Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
