upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
