you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Houston, we have a squirter
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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