Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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