I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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