Can Purell be used as lube?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Randomize
