Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
