that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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