If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize