You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
