i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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