Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
