she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Just pee around me
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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