don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
