I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
