we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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