I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
