I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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