just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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