I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Randomize
