I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
