My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
