please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
