I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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