you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
