he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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