"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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