My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
