Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
love makes seman taste better
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize
