If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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