watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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