I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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