On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
