toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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