If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Drunk is not a location!
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
