don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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