We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
