I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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