My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
