Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
