So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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