Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
