There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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