So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
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Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
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There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize