I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
