god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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