I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
