get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
