grandma shit on top of the toilet
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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