He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
