did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
