the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
it was like eating out sand paper
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
