You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
