shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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