She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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