Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
