He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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