i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
