I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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