I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Enjoy the penises
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize