I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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