Duck Duck Cougar?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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