We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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