I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
