Even water is tasting like jack daniels
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize